I had a chat on Friday with my friend Meryl, who commented about my recipes, photos, and numerous posts on every thought in my head.
But she added: “And that is a gift you give to others!” Well, enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?
I researched narcissism. It is defined as a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. (NO. NOT ME) They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. (This may have some truth but more later). People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. (Now, that is so far from the truth.)
I am always sharing my deepest thoughts, but I can also shut it off. But I choose not to for two reasons; First, I am a Leo and we like being the center of attention, and second is I believe I make people think, smile, reflect, laugh, cry, and look inside themselves or others and that gives me joy.
I have a few detractors out there, not many, but one who wondered if I wrote about Erica because I wanted to bring attention to myself. Rather than refer to that person as an ass, I choose to challenge the premise. It brings attention to Erica and there is great comfort in knowing for an instant, someone has thought of her.
The more I gave thought to the conversation, I came to the realization, as I have in several columns, that relevance is important yet it shows itself on many levels. Relevance is a choice, not a condition. We must work at it and it’s NOT about trying to show we have a place in the world, beyond careers we left behind. Two synonyms that pop up are ‘connected’ and ‘of purpose.’
So, my posts to be relevant are to connect, to move people to action or insight or closer to emotion and thought. It really IS an altruistic mission of mine.
The human skeleton is made up of 206 bones. I may have a small handful of bad ones, which sometimes rears its head but 9/10, it’s about challenging someone else’s behavior.
Don’t worry. This is not one of those columns where I preach doing good. That’s because ‘doing good,’ comes in all shapes and sizes, and it may be someone in our house, on our block, a neighborhood organization, a local nonprofit, the arts community, a national foundation, or a world campaign to eradicate something. Or it simply may be posting something that is evocative.
People who know me, know me. People who think they know me, based on what I write, don’t know me.
I’m no saint. I’d rather laugh with the sinners than die with the saints. The sinners have much more fun.
My crime is I put it out there, but I don’t belittle people along the way. People deserve to be built up if they need it and yes, be brought down a peg if they truly are narcissistic.
Back to relevance. It is the basis of other root words like relatable or in my mind, the ability to relate. To see things in their entirety.
To paraphrase Will Rogers, who was part Cherokee: ” An Indian always looks back when he passes something so he can get a view of it from both sides. A white man doesn’t always do that. He just figures that all sides are automatically the same. That’s why you must never judge a person when you are facing them. You’ve got to go around behind them, like an Indian, to see what they are looking at , and then go back and face them, and you’ll get a totally different view. You’ll be surprised how much easier it is to get along with someone.”
I’ve run into a few folks recently who look at what they contributed in life to a certain point, then sit back, enjoy the ’riches,’ and say: “I did my part.”
Not really. There will always be something to do that’s not about you; it’s about someone else. And it’s not about money, it’s about helping or listening or saving. In Hebrew, we call it Tikkun Olam, repairing the world.
That’s why I do what I do, say what I say, and share what I share. It cleans out the colon in my brain and someone else always gets something from it and they give it back to me in a comment, an emoji, an email, or a message.
And it feels good.
A comment from a therapist….narcissist personality disorder is, by definition , traits that endure over time. Every single one of us has some narcissistic traits (tied to the ego). A person who is diagnosed with NPD meets every single one of the criteria and it impacts their daily life. The rest of us (you included my friend) may exhibit a trace of it now and then, but would not be given that diagnosis. Like many things today, we tend to generalize, judge, and throw labels around that can actually be pretty damaging to people. You may or may not be many things Barry, but you are definitely not a true narcissist. Thank you for always having comments that make us think and reflect. You have a true gift. 🌷
Barry, I’ve said this before. Your posts show a vulnerability, curiosity and thoughtfulness that escaped me in our previous lives as work colleagues, where we were all about business. While we have no personal history outside our careers, I really value sharing space in our personal lives now. Your love life and people, the antithesis of narcissism.