Did the boomer generation fail its kids and create a domino effect?
Boomers range in age from 59 to 77 (1946-1964). A generation born after World War II, but a generation that would live better than our parents, choose our own paths and express our opinions. We would be heard, not just seen, and vowed not to work for a company for 30 years, just to get a gold watch and a kick in the ass.
We would work within the system outside the system, challenge the system and let it all hang out.
We respected our parents, wanted and demanded their support, or at least be tolerant of our views, ideals, dreams, and fantasies. My wife called her parent’s friends “Mr.” and “Mrs.” while we called my parents’ friends Abe and Rhoda or Hank and Reggie, but in my house, this familiarity did not breed contempt, it reflected comfort and family. At least that’s how I grew up..
There was a structure for the most part, and there were rules.
Where did we go wrong? Some of us wanted to be friends with our kids. There’s a classic joke where a mom says to her daughter: “Honey. I want to be your friend.” The daughter replied: “Friend? You’re screwing my dad!”
I have boomer friends who smoked pot with their folks. We wanted to bridge that generation gap but in my mind, that was not the way to do it. The key was to close the gap, not meld it.
Today, the children of boomers generally range from 24-42, using the above-mentioned age range of my generation.
Let’s look at the boomer offspring on the higher end of the scale.
While the 42-year-old boomer offspring have found their place in many instances with kids in their teens, they have the hardest part in that OUR life of new big houses, ‘2nd homes, toys’ and great vacations really raised the bar for them, one that many never reach as adults.
THEIR teen children live in a world where social media has diminished them, labeled them in 140 characters, and are judged by their TikTok or Instagram posts. While the boomers worked hard to give their kids these things, some threw money at them. It was not always parental support, it was making life unreal for them and expected. Today, parents sue schools because their child didn’t make the honor roll and it must be someone else’s fault.
In order to help them cope, parents removed structures in their effort to eliminate that stress. While many support, some coddle and that does no one any good. Parents protect kids as they should. But to use the old adage: “Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.”
Since my life is an open book, I was the typical divorced dad. If Erica wanted a new car, she got a new car. If she wanted a pony, she’d come home to see one tied up in the back. But when she went through issues and setbacks, I ‘gave’ control over to my wife, Hope who put her enormous love for Erica on hold and took the role of the involved parent, not the indulgent one. Fate ruled the day but it was the right move.
I’d guess almost all of you reading this did the best you could and probably were the supporters. I know most of you who subscribe and believe that to be the case. You have great success stories to share.
But our generation needs to take credit where credit is due and blame where it belongs. For those who are grandparents and have grandchildren at a pivotal age, involvement is not only possible, it’s vital. Our culture has changed in that families don’t live near each anymore so it makes it more difficult.
It begs the question, why do some grandparents have a better relationship with their grandchildren than their own children? My folks were considered cool by my daughter and my niece and nephew in their youth.
If we can continue to educate people to be responsible, even at this stage in our lives, then we raise the prospect of it passing on to a new generation, not skipping one.
There’s a short window left to be more than a friend. Let’s be instruments of change.
I need to dwell on this for a day…
Love it because my wife ,Madelyn and I live this relationship issue daily!! I like how Barry creates the harbinger of this situation as “a positive chance to skip a generation!!
Friend