My observations are based on humor, sarcasm but a little hint of truth.
When was the last time you were able to order a plain omelet, a cup of coffee and a side of toast?
I lay the blame at the doorstep of Starbucks, started in 1971 in Seattle and promulgated ever since by wannabes and those whose product is far superior. Last week, I stopped by my local outlet which I will now call SB, and opened the door for two guys, easily over 6’5”, who just climbed out of their F150 trucks. Understanding that brawn beats beauty every time, I let them go first. Imagine my disgust when the one with a Semper Fi t-shirt asked for a Venti, double shot macchiato latte with extra foam and his equally scary friend said: “ooh that sounds delish. Make it two.”
What has this country, not to mention the other 79 countries where SB is a shrine, come to, where good old “cawfee” has gone the way of designer Java? Is the Super Frappucino Bowl far behind?
But this is not just about Starbucks. Hope went on a tear a few years back by purchasing not one, not two but THREE Nespresso coffeemakers.
Add in the cost of the capsules with silly names like Vanillio, choclatino, robustio, to name a few and I could be El Exigente’ of Scottsdale.
But the fact is, men and women, order their coffee differently, regardless of where they shop.
Hope, ever watching her beautiful figure get even more fetching with each passing moment, orders an iced, de-caf Americano, 6 pumps sugar free, easy water, and no room. Translated, that means cold coffee with no room for cream. Not because of her dietary regimen but she is convinced that they never fill it to the top and she’s determined to show them a thing or two about coffee. I always get a half-caf. Simple American coffee. Ok. Guatemalan/Kenyan/Arabian blend but no frilly stuff for me.
My folks were drinkers from way back. Caffeine-laden at 8m or 11pm, but the way people used to, and should still consume it. My mom drank it that way and she was twice the man of many other moms around. (Sorry, Mom)
Coffee isn’t the only thing men and women order differently at these coffee places. Women order carrot cake or low-fat muffins. Men get bear claws. I wonder how PETA has not figured this one out yet? Do bears order Human Fingers when they come out of hibernation? I don’t think so.
We were in Asia a few years back and my wife went online to find the nearest SB to our hotels. There were several in Singapore and Hong Kong but none in Ho Chi Minh City. As of 2022, there are now 46 locations. Not sure if they are called an Iced Imperialistic Danang Delight or a Hanoi Hot Cocoa but the world of men as we know it, will be reduced to sniveling trendy tasters of tantalizing Tunisian toffee and you can just line that up next to the newest face creams and body mists and the world will be Chock Full of Nuts…Unmanly Nuts.!
We made a major life change a year ago when I decided enough Nespresso, no more $10 SB every day for the two of us. I bought a coffee maker that..makes coffee. From beans and grounds and set the timer, we sit at 6 am, read the paper and talk. And the normal beans have returned: 8 O’clock Coffee like Mama used to make in the old country..Long Island!
Sure, I go on Amazon daily for the Final Final Final Sales and I still get manicures but it seems distressing that the last bastions of normalcy are falling quickly. Now my barber is a hairstylist; my car mechanic is an automotive technician; my doctor is an internist, pr agency owners are now Chief Thought Leaders, and my friend I ask for advice now and then, is a Personal Life Coach.
By the way. There is one place where you can just get an omelet and coffee. It’s the Black Bear Diner, or a place, closer to home called home!
Sigmund Freud once said: Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.” And you know sometimes a cup of coffee is just a cup of coffee. But trying ordering THAT these days!
yeah yeah i hear you. we love our bean grinder/coffee maker but sometimes i just need me a skim coffee light frappacino!
A good diner far surpasses SB anyday!
The SB in-crowd, not my jam.