Growing Up on Long Island: Part 5

Ok. They are not all about LI but our youth shapes us; our humor, our approach to crisis, our relationships, and interactions with others.

Not every column has a moral ending or a guide to life. These are anecdotes I find interesting. And they only need a few sentences.

Got Enough Jews?

I was shopping today at Fry’s and saw a couple with a HUGE box of matzoh and I asked them: “Just HOW MANY people ARE you having for seder?” he said: “a lot, wanna come?” I politely declined and after he asked where I was from, he said they were from..get this.. Whitefish, Montana. I asked if they had enough for a minyan and he said barely. They bring people over from Kalispell. As we kibbitzed (not kibbutzed to my non-Jewish friends), he left me with the Vulcan sign, live long and prosper. I was on to him. I knew that it’s a little-known fact that the symbol was suggested by actor Leonard Nimoy, after witnessing the sign from the elders at his shul, growing up in Massachusetts. We wished each other a Happy Pesach, got into my transporter, and beamed back home.

What??!! You’re Gonna Hit me?

One of my rituals while volunteering at the airport is to make jokes and ease the stress everyone gets while traveling. One couple, in their late 40’s, was walking and looking back and forth. I asked: “Do you know where you’re going?” He aggressively said, with a look, “Yeah!” I said: “OK.it’s just that your ‘daughter looked confused” (it was clearly his wife) He said:” What are you; a wiseass?” I replied. So, you’re gonna hit me and brag to your friends you kicked the crap out of a 71-year-old. How is that gonna fly?” He stared then broke a smile. His wife looked and me and mouthed the words: “Thank You.” Obviously, he likes confrontation or just was in a bad mood with possible delays or lost baggage. For that brief moment, he had a pleasant experience at the Friendliest Airport in America.

I’m Gonna Work at MTV One Day!

In 1967, I had not yet turned 14 and was with my parents on vacation in Puerto Rico at the Dorado Beach Hotel. Bob Hope and Gina Lollabridgida were there, filming a movie, “The Private Navy of Sgt. O’Farrell” and they were sitting a few tables away, with scores of people coming up for autographs. As he grabbed a cocktail napkin, I walked over and asked: “Do you want My autograph?” He laughed and said to his table guests: “Get a load of this kid. Sure, kid!” So, I scribbled on a napkin: “To Bob Hope, Best Wishes, Barry Kluger.” I walked away to the sound of laughter at his table. True (ask my brother). Years later he was on a talk show, may have been Mike Douglas and he was asked what one of the craziest fan moments he’s had. He said: “I was on a shoot in Puerto Rico and some kid came up to me and gave me HIS autograph. It was a riot!” So, I thank HIM for the memories.

Was That You?

In 1974, while in my senior year in college, I volunteered as a press intern for RFK’s former Press Secretary Frank Mankiewicz, who was running for Congress in suburban MD. Frank’s press secretary was 29-year-old woman I took a liking to. We hit it off and actually dated for a few months. Years later, I looked her up on FB and told her I worked with her on the campaign (it was a three-person office) and did she remember me from 40 years prior. She did not but she was coming to Scottsdale and we should have lunch. It was pleasant, talking about our careers since then. And she still had no idea who I was. I described in detail, her walk-up apartment in Adams-Morgan, down to the tons of candles and batik tapestries. She still had not a clue. We said our goodbyes and I walked off with just one thing in mind: She just lost MY vote!

Sure, Sam

I was at American University in Washington,DC, working at the radio station for a campus remote. i was freelancing for WBAB Radio, LI and assigned to cover the Impeachment hearings on Richard Nixon. I had applied for House credentials to cover it, and one of a small handful of college students granted access. I must add it all happened because of Eloise Poretz , who was running the Radio/TV Gallery, and whose husband Doug I interned for. While doing the remote outside Mary Graydon Hall, I was told I had a phone call from ABC correspondent Sam Donaldson who was the final decision-maker for credentials. Trying to picture which one of my friends was pranking me, I told him to tell ‘Sam’ to hold on. After a few minutes, my friend said: “Kluger. Sam really is pressed for time and needs to talk to you!” I said: ‘Sure. Give me a few minutes and ask him to hold.” Minutes later, my friend said: “He sounds really pissed” so I picked up the phone and said, “Hey, Sammy Boy.” A booming, television voice said: “Barry. This is Sam Donaldson. I understand you’ve applied for House credentials.” I imagined my best Ralph Kramden and paid homage to the man on the other line. A few weeks later, I met him in the press offices, he remembered me and could not have been nicer and more professional. Wait till you hear the story about Pope Paul VI!!!

More to come, some funny, some poignant, all interesting, or so I think.