Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor, published in 1602, is cited as the origin of the saying: “Third time’s a charm.”
What about fourth and so on? Well, like the Powerball, we keep hoping that the next one will be the winner.
We are hoping that in the world of politics, of which I am an outsider, the sixth time is a charm.
January 2024 will mark the beginning of the 14th year to get Congress to amend the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to add the loss of a child. (It was first introduced in the Senate in the summer of 2011 by Sen. Jon Tester (D-MT) and every session since, and introduced at the end of the House session in 2012 by former Representative Steve Israel (D-NY). In 2013, it began a bi-partisan sponsorship in both houses, with Rep. Brad Schneider (D-IL) picking up the mantle a few sessions later). LINK Rep. Schneider in the House)
Back in 2011, fellow grieving dad Kelly Farley and I began what was then known as The Farley-Kluger Initiative to recognize grief created by the loss of a child and its impact on the American families that know all too well the pain caused by the aftermath of having to bury a child.
They say, “You can close the door on grief, but it will peek in through the window.” As many of you know, grief is always lurking around the corner. And when it shows up, it’s usually fast and furious. The loss of a child is hard.
It is the most devastating life event that can happen to a person.
I know this because, like some of you, I have lost a child, Erica in 2001. In the years since, while we can never make sense of this tragedy, we seek solutions to help others deal with their loss. That is what motivates us, inspires us and gives us purpose. LINK In Her Name
Under current law, workers get 12 weeks of unpaid leave to have or adopt a child, care for a sick family member or their own illness, or care for an injured service member. But when you lose a child, barely 60% of American businesses give time off for child loss and it is the customary 3-5 days of bereavement leave and one is forced to return to the workplace, still broken, still grieving. The pilot in the cockpit who lost a child days earlier or the school bus driver who is grieving for less than a week or the doctor or first responder or the teacher, the nurse, the machine operator and so on. Work is the last thing on their mind. They need time. Time to figure out what has happened to them and their family. Time to allow them to stand back up after a devastating blow.
In January, what is now known as The Sarah Grace-Farley-Kluger Act will be reintroduced in the House and Senate. Details will follow shortly.
On a positive note, in 2021, under the guidance of SG-F-K Act and bereavement leave champion, Rep. Brad Schneider (D-IL) inserted our bereavement language into the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) which provided two weeks of paid bereavement leave for federal workers. It passed both chambers of Congress and was signed into law by President Biden. LINK Parental leave
But we will not rest until this is provided for ALL American workers who have satisfied employment requirements and is limited to companies with 50 employees or more, so as not to cause hardship on small businesses.
Unfortunately, thousands have been fired from their jobs for needing time. In 1993, this bereavement leave was not included.
We believe it was an oversight, one that can and should be fixed.
Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, African-Americans, LGBTQIA+, rich, poor all lose children. Death doesn’t look at the demographics or the voter registration roles. Death does its ‘job’ without any bias. Death just is.
So this begs the question: why is this effort not receiving greater support?
We understand that if you have not personally had to bury a child, you cannot possibly comprehend the depth of this pain. Most people cannot even allow themselves to think about such a possibility with their living children. This is about more than regulations and impacts on business, it’s about compassion for those that have had to endure the reality of such a loss.
So, let’s remove compassion and look at the numbers. FMLA-regulated businesses hire, train and invest in a worker for several years. That worker loses a child. He or she is forced to return to work after a few days. The grieving parent suffers, his or her work suffers, productivity goes down, the business stalls, the person cannot perform and is red and bottom line: tens of thousands of dollars are tossed out the window. Real dollars. Not to mention the cost of hiring and retraining…well, you get the picture.
Dickens said, “It was the best of times, the worst of times,” and that’s what some people are telling us about 2024, an election year. Is it the best time, or the worst time, to get legislation passed? Theories abound but we persevere.
There’s a story about former President Lyndon Johnson that when he wanted to call on senators and representatives to pass a civil rights bill, most of his staff counseled him against it. They said it was hopeless; that it would anger powerful Southern Democrats and committee chairmen; that it risked derailing the rest of his agenda.
To which, it is said, President Johnson replied, “Well, then what the hell’s the presidency for?”
I guess that’s our question to Congress. What the hell’s serving in office for, if not fighting for causes you believe in? The most human of causes? Thousands of American families are asking the same.
Barry,
As always , I learn more each time you write about Erica. This is good!! Do I have ideas , "yes" but will discuss privately!! And peek is spelled peek:)
Love
Friend
I think I told you my brother's daughter passed away on Father's Day. My brother had to return to work after 5 days off. He was at a meeting and was just listening, he didn't have anything to say (which is unusual). Someone called him on it, and he replied, "My daughter diead last week, why do I need to attend this F__king meeting"? His colleague told him, "Sorry man, you shouldn't have to be here" But he was and he wasn't given any more time. 6 months later, he still does what he is supposed to, to keep his job until he retires in March. If there is anything I can do to help, count me in.