What IS Friendship?

..many things.

Wikipedia defines it as a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague. Or in modern times, social media.

Now, before you misunderstand me, I am not denigrating people I know. Hell, my 600+ Facebook and LinkedIn ‘friends’ are people I have met throughout my life, worked with, dated, and, quite a few I have never met. They became friends through mutual interests or colleagues or things I wrote.

OK; so, friendship. This guy Mike I see every morning says, when I tell a story or tale, I always refer to the person as “this friend of mine.” He asks: “how can everyone be a friend?” By the way Mike, I consider you a friend in the truest form, no offense!

There are different levels of friendships. I believe that the people I know are friends but not everyone rises to the level of the above-mentioned definition.

Distance or gaps of time that have figured into relationships are a fact of life. People don’t stay in their neighborhoods anymore, but there are no criteria based on that for those in special categories.

There are people I am ‘friendly’ with. A nod, a hello, asking about them, telling a joke; people I see regularly at the supermarket or Starbucks or my local bagel joint. There is no reason not to be friendly.

There are many FB contacts I never speak to, but I keep them because I like to know how they are, what’s new in life, the good and the bad.

The best friends are those with who you share an experience, good or bad, whether it be elementary school, college, career or travel,  but after reminiscing, you move to the present and you see them, and they see you, for who you have become. That’s called acceptance.

I have one friend of 50+ years who commented on my food posts with “You were raised on tv dinners! Where did you learn how to cook?”  Well, I’m not 15 anymore and people evolve and grow, hopefully. We use time solely as a marker and from there, we found common ground in the ‘now.’

People also drift apart over time. It just happens. Sometimes, there is an incident or situation but for me, it’s almost always the passage of the years, though I do like to stay connected, regardless of the level.

Not good. Not bad. It just is.

One of the interesting things about Covid was the world pared down the ‘friends’ list as we pretty much sheltered in place for two years. When the veil was lifted, some remained, and others trailed off. Some by choice, some by circumstance. Politics also played a role over the past few years with people. Acknowledging differences of opinion often became a thing of the past.

In the Broadway musical, “Merrily We Roll Along,” there is a great song “Hey Old Friend.” <click link

It simply says what we expect from friendships. Honesty, respect, and acceptance that while views change, basic traits of humanity never do.

And that’s what makes friends.