When the Spouse is the Spice

Evolving Scenarios

I have always wanted to be a kept man. For years, my exciting corporate life overshadowed my wife Hope’s’ and while she enjoyed the regimen of concerts,  business trips, and the like, at business events, she was The Spouse, though I worked in an industry that had a good reputation for senior female management. I left that world nearly 25 years ago for less glitz but maintained my skills.

Well, the tables really turned last week when we got a thank you note addressed to us under her last name, which is different than mine. Hope and Barry Kirsch: It has a nice ring to it.

I had arrived. I was The Spouse, or as I like to think of myself, The Spice. We went to a management event once for an organization Hope was on the board of and there I was, hanging by the pool with the other moms, dads, partners, and significant others, talking about cooking, shopping, and what it’s like to be the wind beneath their wings.

Arizona is a funny place where I have met tons of men who toss on a Tommy Bahama t-shirt in the morning, convene at a local Starbucks or cigar store and solve the problems of the world while our spouses and partners toil in an office, checking our watches to ensure we are home, with dinner on the table and the house clean so we can massage our wives feet when they walk in the door.

Last week, I saw an amazing pair of Cole Haans online, I just had to have. If you’ve ever seen a pair of shoes that absolutely go with a Theory/Jhane Barnes pair of slacks, this was it. I called Hope at the office, but she was on a client conference call and I know how she hates when I disturb her during the day, so I bit the bullet, bought the loafers, and hid them in the closet when they arrived a few days later.

I was chatting with Kim, my hair stylist while sipping a Latte about how roles have changed and what it is like to no longer be the king of my castle, as if I ever was. As Jamie was filing my nails and I was debating over how shiny a clear polish I would like, I mentioned to my friend Steve across the way, that I was off to Michael’s Crafts Store to pick up some gold leaf for a pot I was refinishing at home. It’s amazing how much you can learn while holding your hands under the ultraviolet dryers. Did you know that the bleach goes in the special canister of the washer rather than directly on the clothes, preventing the load from looking like a Led Zeppelin Tie Dye shirt? I do now.

When I got home, there was a list of people to call to make social plans over the following months. I phoned my brother-in-law, Jeff to make sure the third Saturday in August was good for dinner. I called my wife’s office to confirm that weekend was clear and I proceeded to organize our date book.

I look with pride at my wife’s success over the past 40+ years and wonder why the glass ceiling is still unbroken in many areas and why women’s rights are being challenged and diminished every day.

Hope came home that night and asked me how my day was. I thought “what a gal!” Here she put in a 10-hour day, and she asked ME what I did. I told her I worked at the airport and went shopping online and she asked if I bought anything.

As she sat at the kitchen island, sipping her usual grapefruit martini, which I know she likes with a twist, I wistfully gazed at the breadwinner and rock of my life, thinking am I lucky or what?

We went to bed that night and when I knew she was asleep, I snuck into the closet and took my new shoes out of the bag and knew that she would think I did well. I know money doesn’t grow on trees but being a spouse is hard work. But I know she appreciates me. In fact, I’m thinking in about a month or so, I may just tell her what I bought.