If you have sensitive people in the room or you, yourself are sensitive, please don’t read this.
The NY Times had a story today about a Montclair, New Jersey paper that was printing its last paper before going all digital. Never mind, a fire broke out before they could publish, but I focused on the couple who started the paper. One was a tech exec, the other..a lactation and sleep consultant.
What? At a certain age, did the kid say: “Mom, Dad. I like breasts and napping. Do you think I can make a living out of that?
I know. Get with the times, Kluger. It’s a different world.
No, it’s NOT.
We used to have dog trainers and obedience schools. Then we had Cesar Millan, the dog WHISPERER.
Don’t get me started on Life Coaches. I applaud those who find new careers and reinvent themselves in life but not everything requires assistance or help.
Having done what all young boys and girls hitting puberty do, I never thought about having a coach educate me on the best methods. I eventually discovered having a partner makes the experience better, but I digress…and lower the bar.
Interior decorators perform a great service but a Feng Shui consultant? Mid-century does not always mix with modern, but thinking if your couch faces East, you’ll curse the house is just ridiculous.
At one time, magicians called themselves Prestidigitators, which upped the impression of the job.
Here are some other interesting professions, for which they call themselves something else:
Beverage Dissemination Officer – Bartender
Chick Sexer – Someone who determines the sex of chickens
Digital Overlord – Website Manager
Retail Jedi – Shop Assistant
Wizard of Light Bulb Moments – Marketing Director
Chief Chatter – Call Center Manager
Animal Colourist – This person dyes animals for movies and marketing campaigns
Problem Wrangler – Counselor
Twisted Brother – Balloon Artist
Digital Dynamo – Digital Marketing Executive
Direct Mail Demi-God – Direct Mail Manager
Dream Alchemist – Head of Creative
Light Bender – Someone who is responsible for the high-tech, precision job of making neon lights
Sometimes, a cigar is JUST a cigar.
Or as my Grandma Nettie used to say in Yiddish: “lozt mikh nisht arayn, in rukn aun zog mir, as indroysn regnt,” or in English: “Don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s raining outside.
Traditional executive jobs used to be CEO, COO, CFO, CIO. Then, we got CMO, CPO (not Sharkey), CAO, CDO, and CXO (chief ‘Experience’ Officer). You’ll have to look up what those mean.
Now, don’t get me wrong. A rigid corporate infrastructure can affect a modern, growing company. Letting C-suite jobs evolve keeps companies agile and ready to react to emerging trends.
But sometimes, in people’s search for relevance, they think cute names make them more important. The importance comes from developing confidence and self-worth, knowing whatever job you do, it is important to someone and hopefully appreciated. If you have to explain what you do, rather than educate, it confuses.
I like plain speak.
But I’m Not a Non-Verbiage Thought-Provoking Dispenser.
I am Writer. Plain and simple!
CPO (Sharkey)! That's why i follow you. Thanks for another fun read.
I’m a retired Domestic Goddess.